What now? After 15 yrs married...then 2 years separated...we've gotten back together. He lied to me...?

He admitted that before we separated he let my step-sister put her hands in his pants while her husband and I were right there ... I did not know it at the time. When deciding to try our marriage again I told him that if he had slept with her I didn't think I could ever be with him again...(we all know what a skank she is). He totally denied ever having sex with her and we got back together. Been back together for 6 months...have 4 kids who live with us. During a conversation, he let slip that he was only with her AFTER we separated (oop's)! I knew about hands in pants already...when questioned further he admitted that he had had sex with her numerous times during our separation. Now I'm disgusted ... can't stand the thought of him touching me...not sure if I can love him again. As it stands I've told him I will need some time to deal with this...he thinks it is so unfair that I don't want to have sex with him! I'm just trying to be civil at this point. What should he expect?

What now? After 15 yrs married...then 2 years separated...we've gotten back together. He lied to me...?
It's odd to me how people expect separations to produce positive effects. Basically, a separation means that if one member of a marriage has poor impulse control, who gains structure by the presence of a spouse, he suddenly loses that structure. In other words, a person with poor impulse control is going to behave worse without his spouse around than he will with her present. Before your husband and you separated, he had already demonstrated poor impulse control even with you nearby (hands down pants). Despite knowing this, you agreed to a separation anyway.





I don't think you should be surprised. What he should suspect is that you will behave toward him in a manner consistent with who you know him to be. You knew before you separated that he didn't like restraining himself. So, he expects you to treat him as though you knew exactly what you should have known.
Reply:He may not think it's fair, but you feel what you feel. My guess is that you feel disgusted and you've lost respect for him. Marriage counseling might help you decide if it's something you can get over and rebuild trust.