Saturday, November 14, 2009

Feeb back please...?

Please...





Hold me like you're afraid to let me go





Kiss me like I've never been kissed before





Watch me like you can not turn your eyes





Feel me like I touch you deep inside





Move me until I feel just right





Need me like darkness needs light





Touch me not just with your hands





But with every desire you have as a man

Feeb back please...?
I think "can not" should be "cannot"


This flows very well. Only thing I noticed is that all of a sudden you go into rhyming for the last four lines... It might be better to change that so it doesn't, or to go back and make the other lines too.





I really enjoyed this! Thanks for sharing. Keep writing :)
Reply:good.
Reply:good
Reply:its pretty good
Reply:Love it


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